~i don't know why,i don't know how to explain it. but i feel so strange,i feel off, i feel numb, i feel empty, completely drained. i don't know how exactly i feel but i don't like it.
#depressed#sadness#suicidal#dead#numb#worthless#ugly#emo #depression#anxiety#suicide#deadinside#cryinginside#hatemyself #cuttingmyself#killme#selfharrrm#suicidaledits#triggerwarning #depressededits#sadedits#selfhate#lonely#lonliness #lostmyself#lost#pain#dark#pathetic#broken
So i read and finished this book on day 14/100 #100daysofproductivity and needed some time to chew this over. #brave by @rosemcgowan is kind of mind boggling? i’ve been a long time fan of hers and had no idea about a lot of this stuff, i suppose because it was during my childhood before i understood how things like tv and film worked. her tone is strong and intelligent from cover to cover. she doesn’t make you feel sorry for her, she’s giving you the true facts of her life and how she got to where she is today. i tweeted a while back at how lucky i feel to have loved and looked up to the #charmed actresses whilst the show was going because now they’re all politically strong and critically comment on a lot of things that are being fed to us. reading rose’s full story was a little heartbreaking, for sure, but it’s also showing that even if you’ve been through a lot of s**t you can come out the other side and reclaim your power. i also love that she stands up for other people who may not be able to do so for whatever reason, and that she’s not afraid to publicly call out slimeballs in the movie industry. i’ve said this before but rose is a true feminist icon in my eyes. definitely an incredible read, but can be triggering so please be wary and careful. ✌️
Face to face friday. 😱. (trigger warning )
let me start off by saying this, yes i know that both these images portray beauty, i’m not arguing that by any means. (and no i’m not boasting but there always seems to be those comments, “you’re beautiful no matter what” “or wow so you have to be skinny to be beautiful”, just f*****g read my post and hear me out kay?
this has been a long journey. these pictures are exactly 9 months apart, although you can’t tell the emotions and what i’m feeling on the inside there are big transformations going on. if you’re confident as a bigger girl thats awesome, and a big phat kudos to you. but i was a bigger girl all through high school and let me tell you girls are not very nice at all. have you ever returned to school from being sick for a week only to find some of your class mates had slipped some cut outs of cows from various magazines into your locker? yeah... that was dignifying.
so in my high school senior year i became anorexic, which was just more fire under everyone’s bully train because then the rumours started that i was a coke head. (sorry everyone, never touched the white stuff once in my life 😱👏🏼) after having my daughter peyton and gaining almost 100 lbs and not being able to lose the weight what do you think i did? you guess it... i became unhealthy again. i was barely eating, and heavily drinking... i literally only ate around my family so no one was suspicious. i was embarrassed, and swore i would never live a life like that, because peyton would never know or live a life like that.
cut to now, and i’ve honestly never been happier. i spent 16 months creating and building a healthy lifestyle that i can live and maintain with for the rest of my life. and you know what you guys, i am happy. i am so f*****g happy. and that’s what matters. so at the end of the day, no matter what your size if you’re not happy, do something that makes you happy ❤️❤️ thanks for reading if you made it this far. #realpost#triggerwarning#facetofacefriday#takethatbullies#anorexiarecovery#anorexia#mytransformation#transformation#strongnotskinny#fitness#inspiration#fitnessjourney#weightloss#weightlossjourney