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**This is for those of you who asked what you can do if you grew up as a parentified child ❤️
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The road to recovery as a parentified child adult might look some some of the above suggestions.  It can feel awkward, weird, **this is for those of you who asked what you can do if you grew up as a parentified child ❤️
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the road to recovery as a parentified child adult might look some some of the above suggestions. it can feel awkward, weird, "wrong", even "selfish' to do many of these things. you will likely get protests especially from those who have benefited from you playing a parentified role, but it's time you begin to care for your needs and advocate for them. .
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tell me, what has your journey toward recovery looked like?
195 24 8 hours ago
Taking on roles that do not belong to us make it difficult to live our own lives, have healthy relationships, and care for our own needs.  We often end up playing certain roles out of what feels like a necessity, survival, and/or to manage a difficult situation as children.  These 'roles' often make it difficult to have the energy to invest into more appropriate relationships (your role as a spouse, a parent to your own kids, a friend to your peers, etc.), discover our passions and interests, engage with others in healthy ways, recognize and advocate for what we need, and prioritize ourselves. Taking on roles that do not belong to us make it difficult to live our own lives, have healthy relationships, and care for our own needs. we often end up playing certain roles out of what feels like a necessity, survival, and/or to manage a difficult situation as children. these 'roles' often make it difficult to have the energy to invest into more appropriate relationships (your role as a spouse, a parent to your own kids, a friend to your peers, etc.), discover our passions and interests, engage with others in healthy ways, recognize and advocate for what we need, and prioritize ourselves.
557 29 3 days ago
Maybe you don't know how to care for your emotions because it was never modeled for you. .
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Maybe you don't recognize your emotions because you were told to stuff it without being provided the space to process it with a safe adult. .
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Maybe you don't trust that anyone can handle your emotions with care because you were used to being met with emotional distress by the very people who were supposed to be 'safe' for you. .
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Maybe you think that your emotions are too burdensome to care for because that is what you experienced from the closest people in your life. .
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Maybe you are afraid to disappoint someone if you disclose your emotions because you grew up feeling so much pressure to behave and people please at the cost of ignoring your own needs. .
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Maybe you've told yourself that emotions don't matter, won't change anything, or won't get you anywhere so it's best to avoid them. .
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The kind of care you were met with when you've felt difficult emotions can help you make sense of your relationship with your own emotions.  Identifying your relationship with your own emotions can help you explore the needs that you may need to address.
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Numbing and avoiding won't make the feelings go away.  That will only intensity the feelings until you Maybe you don't know how to care for your emotions because it was never modeled for you. .
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maybe you don't recognize your emotions because you were told to stuff it without being provided the space to process it with a safe adult. .
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maybe you don't trust that anyone can handle your emotions with care because you were used to being met with emotional distress by the very people who were supposed to be 'safe' for you. .
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maybe you think that your emotions are too burdensome to care for because that is what you experienced from the closest people in your life. .
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maybe you are afraid to disappoint someone if you disclose your emotions because you grew up feeling so much pressure to behave and people please at the cost of ignoring your own needs. .
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maybe you've told yourself that emotions don't matter, won't change anything, or won't get you anywhere so it's best to avoid them. .
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the kind of care you were met with when you've felt difficult emotions can help you make sense of your relationship with your own emotions.  identifying your relationship with your own emotions can help you explore the needs that you may need to address.
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numbing and avoiding won't make the feelings go away.  that will only intensity the feelings until you "spill over" from emotional overload and it can have very severe consequences to your relationships, decisions, and your life. .
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not "burdening" others with your emotions will keep you emotionally disconnected and distant from the people you love and who love you.  you will also end up neglecting your own needs. .
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not feeling the fullness of your emotions will make it difficult to understand your underlying needs and care for it intentionally and meaningfully.  they will linger with no relief. .
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staying angry without going deeper to the wounding that feeds the anger will keep you stuck in your resentment, shame, and self-pity. .
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even if you didn't get what you needed growing up, you can learn to meet your needs now.  what are you waiting for?
572 42 4 weeks ago
Just because things are getting Just because things are getting "better" on the outside doesn't always mean that you are feeling better on the inside. sometimes, these well-intentioned responses can deepen your experience of anxiety and pain. you set yourself up to intensify you feeling inadequate, insecure, unworthy, unloveable, like a failure, and like you don't matter. .
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be open to exploring what drives these responses for you and nurture the parts of you that need to be reminded that you are good enough, you are loveable, you matter, you are human, and you are worthy without you doing any of these things ❤️ happy monday!
619 37 2 weeks ago
Sometimes we have to teach our parents. It’s hard and a long process but just like they don’t know what it’s like to be born or grow up here, we don’t know what it’s like to move here, alone, without much. 🌱 Swipe ▶️▶️▶️▶️ Sometimes we have to teach our parents. it’s hard and a long process but just like they don’t know what it’s like to be born or grow up here, we don’t know what it’s like to move here, alone, without much. 🌱 swipe ▶️▶️▶️▶️
5,996 60 last month
Happy National Grandparents Day! Although sometimes a generational/cultural/language divide can be hard to cross, the connections we have to our grandparents are real and worth honoring. Take some time to call your grandparents today and show them some appreciation for the food, wisdom, secret allowance money, herbal medicine, stories, candies, and all of the other ways that they show us love.⁠⠀
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And—let us know in the comments below which nostalgic Asian candy is more iconic 🐰🍓⁠⠀
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Art by: @meanzchanart⁠⠀
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#AAPI #asianamerican #asian #grandparentsday #nationalgrandparentsday #asiangrandparents ⁠⠀ Happy national grandparents day! although sometimes a generational/cultural/language divide can be hard to cross, the connections we have to our grandparents are real and worth honoring. take some time to call your grandparents today and show them some appreciation for the food, wisdom, secret allowance money, herbal medicine, stories, candies, and all of the other ways that they show us love.⁠⠀
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and—let us know in the comments below which nostalgic asian candy is more iconic 🐰🍓⁠⠀
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art by: @meanzchanart⁠⠀
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#aapi #asianamerican #asian #grandparentsday #nationalgrandparentsday #asiangrandparents ⁠⠀
1,069 49 2 weeks ago
Beautiful day to have lunch on the WB lot! Beautiful day to have lunch on the wb lot!
572 35 2 days ago
Thank you @morningshowca @globaltv for including me on your #bookmarked series! And thank you years of royal conservatory piano lessons for my posture lol #memoir #OlderSister #lifewriting #bookstagram #diversecanlit #aapi Thank you @morningshowca @globaltv for including me on your #bookmarked series! and thank you years of royal conservatory piano lessons for my posture lol #memoir #oldersister #lifewriting #bookstagram #diversecanlit #aapi
112 10 6 hours ago
Maybe you were a parentified child growing up and it has left emotional scars that has lasted into your adulthood.  You took on caretaking responsibilities for parents, siblings, or other family members at the expense of your own developmental needs.  You were forced to grow up early without being given the space to be a kid.  It can be a traumatic loss of your youth that deserves to be grieved.

Being a parentified child is often a consequence and attempt to survive stressful situations such as an abusive relationship between parents, immigration, financial instability, alcohol/drug addiction in the home, family chronic illness or disability, death of a family member, an absent parent,  or divorce.  It is A way to cope with these life stressors, but it is NOT the only way to cope with them.

You can't change what has happened, but you can acknowledge the injustice of what you endured and how it has impacted you.  Maybe your experiences made you quiet, Maybe you were a parentified child growing up and it has left emotional scars that has lasted into your adulthood.  you took on caretaking responsibilities for parents, siblings, or other family members at the expense of your own developmental needs.  you were forced to grow up early without being given the space to be a kid.  it can be a traumatic loss of your youth that deserves to be grieved.

being a parentified child is often a consequence and attempt to survive stressful situations such as an abusive relationship between parents, immigration, financial instability, alcohol/drug addiction in the home, family chronic illness or disability, death of a family member, an absent parent, or divorce.  it is a way to cope with these life stressors, but it is not the only way to cope with them.

you can't change what has happened, but you can acknowledge the injustice of what you endured and how it has impacted you.  maybe your experiences made you quiet, "low maintenance", without a voice and expectations, and have low self-esteem or no boundaries.  maybe you weren't given the space to even explore what you needed or wanted.  and if you did, it's possible that it was often associated with guilt and shame to engage in anything close to 'self'-care.  maybe it has left you expecting little from others and distrusting other people's capacity to be trustworthy.  maybe you find it difficult to regulate your own emotions because you never had support from your own caregivers to co-regulate (support you with your emotions) when you most needed it.  maybe you catch yourself perpetuating the injustice to your own kids even though you told yourself that you wouldn't do the same. .
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moving forward as an adult who was/still is a parentified child takes courage.  it starts with embracing your story.  it demands that you look inward and realize your innate worth as a human being, your resilience in enduring difficult life circumstances, your immense capacity to connect deeply with others and most importantly with yourself, and your ability to be resourceful to give yourself what you and "little (name)" needed and still needs today. may you have courage to walk this journey ❤️
651 52 3 weeks ago